The Best Gift of All

This Christmas, I received the most perfect present I could have asked for. I am a mom of four. The oldest is twenty four and the youngest is ten. This age span means that I have simultaneously done diapers and PSAT prep and have been both the youngest mom and the oldest mom in any given room. If there is anything I have learned, it is that no part of parenting is easy. Whenever you think you’re through the hardest part, buckle up, the next phase is coming.

My twenty-four year old son has done everything you might anticipate a young adult to do. He has gone to college, lived in the dorms, left the state, lived in an apartment, worked a full time job, succeeded, failed, learned, grew, and recently he came home. He has lived a whole life separately from us, and a whole life intertwined with us, and is now figuring out where he wants the lines to be between self and family, individual and whole. What an amazing journey to witness.

Our society teaches that success in our culture is independence. We are one of the few countries where living separately from your family is seen as a mark of aptitude and a record number of our elderly live in institutions rather than homes. We are surrounded by jokes, memes, and off handed comments about the stereotypical kid living in their parents’ basement as a hallmark of failure. So how do we embrace the idea of a family who actually thrives on staying connected? I have seen first hand the impact that being closely connected to family has had on my own son. He is a markedly better man by maintaining that connection to people who ground and support him.

This Christmas, my little boy turned grown up came down the stairs on Christmas morning in pajama pants with bright eyes just like he has for the past two decades. He sat wrapped in a blanket and opened presents with delight and reminded me that he is still my baby. And then, he carefully handed out gifts to each member of the family. Gifts that he had thought about, shopped for, hand picked, and paid for with money he earned by working hard. And each one was perfection. They were exactly what each person would have wanted and obviously took time, effort, and love. This was not a hastily wrapped gift card from a careless teen, these were heartfelt gifts of appreciation from a mature and loving man. He took his independence and financial success, and used it to connect to people he loves. And in that instant, I knew that I had done my job. I have raised a man who can stand on his own two feet, but plant himself firmly next to his family. He can open his arms wide to the world, while still wrapping them around the people who matter the most. There is no better gift.